Healthy Marriage Movie Guide: The Pursuit of Happyness

Discuss:

Sacrifice

è Chris Gardner works very hard, wanting to provide for his wife (girlfriend) and son (scene 1). What does the expression of sacrifice show to those we love? Should the effort be good enough?

è When Chris was told he was chosen out of the 20 interns, the head of the firm asked him, “Was it as easy as it looked?”  No, but it was worth it. Marriage takes work, but it is something to be worked for, because there can be immense joy found by having someone to share everything with, someone you can be completely transparent with. What advice would you give someone asking you about marriage as a whole?

Morals

è Chris tells the Man at the day care that they should fix the wall, where there are inappropriate words graffitied on it. He points out things that do not uplift. How can you implement this in your marriage? How does having strong morals add dimension to your marriage relationship/do they?

è  Chris is left in a taxi cab; he has no money and decides to make a break for it. What would you do when in such a desperate situation? Discuss your different opinions on this situation.

è Interview at the office: “I am the type of person that if I don’t know the answer, I will tell you that I don’t know the answer…” He continues to say that he will work to find the answer. In what ways can you increase your humility?

è Chris puts in a lot of energy trying to impress people. Impressions are important but being absolutely honest and transparent is important. In what ways should you “impress” in your marriage and in what ways do you need to “let go” and be raw?

Socio-economic Status

è The Gardner family is low-income and struggles to have the necessities of life. What kind of strains and hardships does this put on the marital relationship? How could Chris and Linda better communicated/worked together through their struggles?

è Scene 3: “They all looked so damn happy to me. Why couldn’t I look like that?” There are many stresses that we face and that put a strain on our relationships. We can’t always control the circumstances, at least not immediately. In what ways can we be joyful where we are at? How can we enjoy our spouse and sometimes limited time with them, even and especially when ‘in the thick of it’?

Conflict

è Scene 4: Chris tells Linda that he wants to go see about getting a job as a stock broker. She retorts, “Stock Broker? Not an astronaut?”…turns and scoffs. When pressures are high, working against each other does not benefit anyone. In what ways in your relationship right now, could you better support your spouse in their personal endeavors?

è Scene 6: “Whatever, I don’t care”. Linda seems completely uninterested in resolving issues with Chris. How can you avoid getting to this extreme of disconnect in your relationship?  How would you fight for your relationship if the other seemed to not care?

Perseverance

è Chris runs through the street twice to try to get his scanner back from the hippy girl. He finally does, after chasing her through the street and onto the bus. He could have said, forget it and moved on, seeing it as a loss. Perseverance is a trait that can extend across all areas of our lives. Do you recognize the perseverance that your spouse has? Share with each other in what ways you have seen the other ‘push through’ or …run through the street until they achieve.

è Hard work, time, determination, practice, and thought. These are some of the characteristics that got Chris the job as a Stock-Broker after the internship. Do you put this kind of effort and thought into your marriage and relationships?

è When at the shelter, “Glide”, they sang about the mountains that we face and climb. What mountains have you overcome recently in your marriage or in general? What were things that helped you succeed or that you will implement in the next struggles of life?

Missed Opportunities

è Scene 4: Linda is expressing her discomfort with the struggles. She and Chris both act defensive of their position and the work they have each been putting in to having the money they need for things. Women tend to be much more confident and feel safe when there is financial security. What could Chris done in this one conversation to recognize her fears? How could humility play a role in this ongoing conflict?

Inner-voice

è Scene 14: Chris and Christopher are shooting some baskets on a Saturday between meeting with doctors and Chris tells the boy that he won’t be good at basketball, so he shouldn’t waste the effort. The things we say to the people we love the most have a lot of power. Are you an encouraging voice to your spouse, or a voice that makes them give up?

 --> When Chris and Christopher find themselves homeless and sitting in the metro station, Chris breaks the sadness and sense of despair when he pretends that his scanner is a time machine. It can be beneficial in times of crisis and stress to break away from the “world” and find peace or excitement. What could you do to lift the heart of your spouse in a trying time?

The Pursuit of Happiness

è Chris talks about The Declaration of Independence and how it says ‘the PURSUIT of happiness’. He said that he knew to write that, but can we be happy and experience/have happiness? How can you actually have happiness in your life?

è Scene 9: “I’m just not happy anymore”… “Then go get happy Linda, just go get happy”.  We probably will not experience joy all the time in life or in marriage. Not every season is fun, exciting, or easy. What things can you do to be sure that your spouse is who you can fall into when in a hard place? What do you think about the following quote?

'Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old-time rail journey...delays...sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." -Gordon B. Hinckley

What are the top two lessons you want to remember from this movie?