Yours, Mine and Ours

Two Is Better Than One

è “...That’s the real war. Our generation against theirs.” Mr. Beardsley was a single father with 10 children. He was very overwhelmed. In marriage we can share responsibilities, which helps to lighten the load. How do you share responsibilities of your children?

è Both Frank and Helen are distraught on their date, because they are worried about telling each other how many children they each have. Has there been something you needed to tell your spouse, but couldn’t find a way or were concerned with what their response may be? Is there anything you need to tell each other?

Quality Time

è Both parents work hard taking care of their children, getting everyone to bed. They may get some time to themselves after kids are in bed. In marriage the work is shared some and then you can spend time together once the kids are in bed. Do you spend this time together or co-exist, focusing on other things? How could you better utilize the time after the kids are in bed?

è Frank spent a lot of time away from his family while his first wife was alive. Work took him away from them and he did not feel like he knew his kids very well. What activities and things are important to you when you are short on time together?

è In the car, Frank’s date is sitting between Helen and Frank. They keep talking about their children and the funny things they do and are interested in. What things do you end up talking about when you get time alone? If you have children, are you able to talk about other things through a whole date?

Thoughtfulness

è Frank calls Helen late at night. He was thinking about her and he decided to call her up. What can you do to show your spouse you are thinking about them when you are together and apart?

è Helen is being all spruced up by her daughters for her date with Frank. What beautification preparation does your spouse appreciate/like that you do?

 

è The judge asks Helen for what her secret is to keeping things together, because his wife “can’t seem to keep anything together”. She tells him a list of things and then that “a husband that does not criticize” is another part of it. Where can each of you improve in that department? Do you criticize unnecessarily?

Step-Families

è What are the biggest issues between step children and step-parent? How do you work on strengthening those relationships and not have too much tension with your spouse?

è The new Mrs. Beardsley asks her husband if they will ever be one family, will everyone get along? He tells her that they need to set an example, starting with their wedding night…in togetherness. What ways do you believe help to blend families successfully? How do you balance allowing each individual space, while also encouraging kindness, friendship, and cooperation?

è Phillip gets a lift out of the mud and put onto the bus with his oversized galoshes. What moments have you seen between step-siblings that give you hope that everyone will soon mesh well?

è Phillip tells his teacher that he is Phillip Beardsley now, because they all went to the church and they were all married. Who have been, and do you assume will be good supports to you and your children through the transitions you face? What family outings would be helpful in building team membership in the family?  

Affection

è Frank proposes to Helen right in front of his children and then they kiss. Some couples are very affectionate, public or not, while others are very reserved in expressing their love. What kind of couple are you? Do you wan to be more open in expressing love?

è Frank and Helen send love letters back and forth while he is away for the Navy. Do you exchange letters with your love? What sweet words have been written to and from your spouse?

è Phillip seems sick, just as they walk out of the church, freshly married. Helen is a very worried mother and Frank sees that she will be no good at forgetting the children for the weekend they had planned. What expressions of love, like this, have you shown each other over time? They gave up their weekend alone. How do you roll with the punches without making your spouse feel badly about it?

Serve

è The doctor calls Mrs. Beardsley on Christmas morning and lets her know that she is pregnant. She does not tell Frank; she had just let him know that he can go on his work trip. In what ways have you made your spouse’s wants a priority?

è Helen talks to Frank about adopting each other’s children. It is an expensive thing in California…$250 per child. He sees that she is serious about it; she asks him if they can just scrimp and save so that they can do it. He shows his love by putting back his beers. How do you serve your spouse; what do you give up for them?

Reflect

è  Frank and Helen are in a very crowded bar and lots of funny interactions occur. Helen does not seem too comfortable in this bar setting. What types of places do you like to go on dates? Do you prefer loud or quiet environments?

è The younger girls come into the parent’s bedroom because of the leaky roof, right at a very inconvenient time. It is the Beardsley’s wedding night, but it does not go as planned, in so many ways. How do you make the best of situations turned wrong? Do you show your spouse grace even through such disappointments?

è Frank is the first to act in the morning. He wakes up Helen and then goes back to sleep. What things do you do for your spouse so that they can have an easier day? Where do each of you “pick up the slack”?

     Reminisce

è Frank is excited to have a baby. He finds out through different letters from the kids while he is out in the ocean for work. What was the excitement like when you found out about each of your children?

è The house seems to be falling apart. The family’s first night in their home, the rain comes pouring…into the house. What issues have you dealt with in your home situations? Have any fond memories come from home experiences?

è Darryl comes over and helps with the loads of dishes as he visits with the family. Who have been the friends to your marriage, supported you, and shared in the joys?